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SEO Songwriter

I wrote some SEO versions of famous songs, because why not? Music already seemed to help a lot of artists and musicians with their questions in life. So, I applied them to SEO and wrote SEO Songs.

I’m not a singer, but it works better in the original voice anyway. So here are the lyrics of a carefully curated playlist of SEO songs in English, Dutch and German. Some finished, some not yet. Please feel free to create more of these in the comments. This list is not final, though. To be continued!

Queen – SEO Rhapsody
Metallica – Nothing else converts
Toto – Search Console
Motörhead – Ace of Search
Boudewijn de Groot – SEO Stagiair
Nena – 99 Landingseiten
Het Goede Doel – SEO

Queen – SEO Rhapsody

Is this the real life
Or is this SEO
Caught in this website
No escape from this E-commerce

Open the SERPs
Look up to the source and see

I’m just in onpage
I need no sympathy
Because I’m easy found, easy lost
On mobile, and desktop

Any way the algo
Updates really matters to me

Sistrix,
Just built a link
Paid them thousand dollars cash
They put “nofollow” in the rel

Sistrix,
Ranking’s just begun
But now I’ve gone and thrown linkjuice away
Sistrix, oooh
Didn’t mean to go offline
If I’m not redirected this time tomorrow
Crawl no more
Crawl no more
As if nothing ever ranked there

Too late, the CTR reports
Break down many KPI’s
Bouncerates aching all the time
Goodbye, Featured Snippets
You’ve got to go
Gotta leave you all behind for competitors

Sistrix, oooh,
I don’t want to go offline
I Sometimes wish I’ve never been crawled at all

I see a little Google update in my stats
Oh my God, oh my God!
Will you post it on Twitter?

Phantom Panda Penguin, This is even bigger then?!
Gary Illyes, (Gary Illyes)
Gary Illyes, (Gary Illyes)
Gary Illyes can announce in his weblo-o-o-o-og

I’m just in Onpage, nobody loves me
He’s from a startup e-commerce platform
Spare him his job from this monstrous update

Easy click and convert
will you let me rank
A.I. says: “No, we will not let you rank” (Let him rank!)
A.I. says: “we will not let you rank” (Let him rank!)
A.I. says: “we will not let you rank” (Let him rank!)
Let me rank! Will not let you rank
Let me rank! Will not let you rank
Let me rank! Oh oh oh oh

No, no, no, no, no, no, no
Oh analytics, analytics
Analytics let me rank

Conversion rate is a ranking factor now for me
For me, for me, for me

So you think you can stop me from doing my tests?
So you think you’ll drive traffic with only search ads?

Oh, SEO
Can’t outrank me in SEO
Just gotta create
Just gotta get links to my content

Ooh yeah, ooh yeah
SEO really matters
Anyone can rank
SEO really matters
SEO really matters, to me

Anyway the algo

Metallica – Nothing else converts

Content, no matter how strong
Couldn’t buy much more follow links
Forever trust in magazine
And nothing else converts

Never opened my SERPs this way
Landing page, we build them our way
All these posts I don’t relate
But nothing else converts

White hats seek, with their Google Blogs
Influenced by webmasters Vlogs
Blackhatworld was a different mood
And nothing else converts

Never cared for SEA
Never did affiliate
SEO

Toto – Search Console

I see the SERPs updating tonight
But I note only subtle fluctuations on the long tails

I download with the API
The echoes of some ordinary algorithm update
I start to note them in my sheets
Hoping to find some causes and effects or even penalties

They showed to me these KPIs
“Hurry boy, these keywords must be found!”

It’s gonna take a lot of data to analyze
There’s nothing that a hundred interns more can Excel
I’ll check the data in search console
Gonna take some time to find a python engineer

Black hats cry out in the night
Affiliates and partnerships all lose their interest slowly
I know that hat of mine is white
As sure as Featured Snippets rise and disappear among competitors

I seek to cure this SEO
Frightened of this thing that it’s become..

It’s gonna take a lot of data to analyze
There’s nothing that a hundred interns more can Excel
I’ll check the data in search console
Gonna take some time to find a python engineer

“Hurry boy, these keywords must be found!”

It’s gonna take a lot of data to analyze
There’s nothing that a hundred interns more can Excel
I’ll check the data in search console
Gonna take some time to find a python engineer

Motörhead – Ace of Search

If you like to Google
I’ll tell you I’m your man
You search some, find some
It’s SEO to me.

Boudewijn de Groot – Jimmy

Hoe sterk is het eenzame
keyword dat ongevonden
over z’n search intention peinst
De answer box krijgt

Hoe zelfbewust het selling cluster
dat voor de ogen van de homepage
wel dubbel rankt
Niet converteren wilt

Hoe lacht vergenoegd die affiliate website
die ons steeds duurdere links verkoopt
En toch niets opbrengt

En ik zit hier tevreden met een lagere SI
die answer box die staat nog
Ondanks updates en dubbel ranks
Klikken ze nog steeds

Als ‘ie maar geen onpager wordt
Ze negeren hem misschien halfdood

Maar liever dat nog dan de hangmat op het strand
van de affiliate man
Want daar rankt ie alleen maar slechter van

Nena – 99 Landing Seiten

Hast du schon linkjuice für mich
Dann crawl ich deine Site für dich
Mit 99 Landingseiten
Auf ihrem weg zu Indexierung
Denkst du an neue Keywörter
Dann baue ich dein Website weiter
Mit 99 Landingseiten
Und 99 mehr erweitert

Het Goede Doel – België

Waar kan ik heen
Ik kan niet naar Facebook
Kan niet naar Facebook
Daar zijn ze zo streng

Waar kan ik heen
Ik kan niet naar e-mail
Kan niet naar e-mail
Daar doen ze zo eng

Ik wil niet werken voor offline
Want offline dat is me te saai
Wat ICT Beheer betreft
Dat land bestaat niet echt

Waar kan ik heen
Ik wil geen operations
Niet operations
Daar gaat alles stuk

Waar kan ik heen
Ik kan niet naar DevOps
Ook niet naar DevOps
Dat is me te druk

Ik wil niet werken in outsource
Want outsource dat is me te nat
Of als python script expert
Dat gaat me net te ver

Zit er leven in Google
Kun je ‘t algoritme aan?
Is er een plaats tussen de keywords waar ik heen kan gaan

Ik heb getwijfeld over SEO
Want het is soms maar geluk
Ik heb getwijfeld over SEO
Omdat iedereen daar linkt

Ik deed zelfs een a/b test
Maar ik had geen enkel resultaat
Ik heb getwijfeld over SEO

 

Published in Blog

One Comment

  1. Unknown

    Unknown

    The original songs will never be the same to me again…

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